she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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