someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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