My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
