I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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