Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
