I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
