i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize