I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
