It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
