So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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