He asked to "fluff my boner.."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
