apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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