Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
