My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
