you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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