I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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