Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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