So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
