The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
