I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
