I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
