dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
