.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize