my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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