I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
