Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
