I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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