could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
