the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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