Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
