Don't you send me to vm
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
