dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Boobs speak an international language.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
