I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
