she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
