he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
