Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
