she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
