this just has baby written all over it
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
