I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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