Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize