yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
