I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
