i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
