OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
