how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
