When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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