sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
