I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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