i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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