I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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