last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
