I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
