Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize