Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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