U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
