He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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