Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
