can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
