Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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