yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
