I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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