My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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