i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
