Porn is love you can see.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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