We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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