I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
No subtext here. People are naked.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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