Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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