Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
