But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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