I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
