Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
