My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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