You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
