the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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