Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
