do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
