i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Randomize
