my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
