Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
