Me too!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize