we're blogging at a bar
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
