dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize