she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
