I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
