Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you didnt know i had herpes?
it's like iHOP with fire
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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