Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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