Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
