Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
